Wednesday, April 18, 2012

God vs. Phil Bryant

Every now and then, the good folks at the Clarion-Ledger publish a letter to the editor that changes your perspective on an issue, or at least informs you of the other side. Such is not the case with today's letter from Loretta Jeter of (surprise!) Rankin County. I'm going to go ahead and reproduce it in its entirety, since the C-L dumps its web contents after a week to ten days:

So, we can throw the King James Version of the Bible away. You know the one that says, "Love of money is the root of all evil." The one that says, "Strong drink is raging and anyone that partakes there of is not wise." 
Our ole time God of wisdom has been supplanted by someone named Butch Bailey, president and founder of "Raise Your Pints," and our governor, forgetting he represents the Bible Belt. 
The author of my Bible gives strong drink a place in the medicine cabinet. Why don't we raid our medicine cabinets and have an Aspirin, blood pressure pill, Bengay, insulin and Lortab party. Don't forget the hemorrhoids ointment. There are always some partygoers who sit a long time after the party is over. I have heard of some medical parties down on skid row from which partakers never return home. 
Christian friends, hold tight to God's Bible wisdom. Take your prescribed medication at home and lie down to innocent, pleasant dreams. 
Praise be the 14 wise voters who know the importance of the word "No". 
Loretta Jeter 
It's hard to find a place to begin when pointing out the gems in this letter.  The part about the "skid row" (I haven't heard anyone use that term without "Sebastian Bach" attached to it in a long, long time) is nice, as is using "ole" when not talking about Ole Miss and the exhortation to "lie down to innocent, pleasant dreams."

Anyway, this is probably some reader's great-grandmother, so I won't pile on.  But in case it is, please point sweet Ms. Jeter to Luke 7:33-35 in her King James Bible...if she hasn't thrown it out already.


Calissippi said...

Thought she was going to go in a completely different direction with the "hemorrhoids ointment" bit. Guess cooler heads prevailed.

Cottonmouth said...

Good to see you, Calissippi.